three days ago
I learned how to carve stars into my skin,
thinking that if I could turn myself
into the night sky,
all of my fears would become as insignificant
as humans are to the universe.
they say that by the time
the radiant light from a star reaches earth,
that star is already extinct.
so I will be an astrologer
and I will hope that by the time
these wounds have healed,
the reasons for their existence
will be long gone, too.
- "I’m Just Dumb" K.E.
Awww thank you - thank you for being the kind of person who sends nice messages to people like me out of the blue, just because, and thank you for existing. And my god this has been one of those weeks where I need something like this. I don’t know who you are (obviously lol) but I’m betting that you’re a beautiful person, much more so than I will ever be. Thanks again. <3
- Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451 (via lickmelikeyouhateme)
- "When You Tell Me You Love Me, You’re Lying", K.E.
1. God, how embarassing. Yeah, I know it’s been over a year. I know you’ve had other girlfriends since me. I know we decided we were done with each other months ago. I’m pathetic, right? Wrong.
2. You should be nothing to me. And you would be, really, if I had decided to move on like you did. But we both know by now that we’re nothing alike. I don’t want another trainwreck like us. Moving on means forgiving without an apology, means accepting that things were wrong and they won’t ever be right. It doesn’t mean replacing the memory of my hand in yours with someone else’s.
3. I probably should mention somewhere in here that I don’t miss you. Do you think I’m lying? Probably. But it’s true. I don’t miss staying up late, waiting for you to reply when you’d already fallen asleep. I don’t miss wondering how much of me could be shown to you. I don’t miss Mondays lying on the grass and talking; I don’t miss study rooms or Apartment K. I remember it all, surely, but that. Doesn’t. Mean. I. Miss. You.
4. I think I was using you, and you were using me. I miss that - I miss being able to trick myself into believing that we were something.
5. It’s so stupid, I mean, you pretend that we were in love and we were together and suddenly I could think for just a split second that we weren’t alone. We always were. And that’s what I miss. The forgetting.
6. I remember things too well. You showed me how.
7. I know I fucked with your emotions too much. Sorry. You were trying to do something impossible and maybe I should have stopped you. Maybe I just wanted to see you fail.
8. I’m not trying to get to you. I hope you know that, and every other thing that you would know if you actually had loved me once.
9. It’s not true: It doesn’t bother me that you’re with someone else, that you want nothing to do with me. I don’t mind. I got over you a long while ago. I’m just trying to figure out what to do with all of the horrible truths that you’ve shown me.
10. I’m guessing that you don’t want any of them.
11. That’s fine. I’m fine, and so are you, and maybe that’s all that we need right now anyways.
you’re doing this wrong.
i thought i was more obvious:
i want you to hate me.
i stayed away.
i left you with your agony.
i pretended to laugh at your sadness.
don’t start telling me that i
have nothing to be sorry for.
i think i broke something in you, and
really, let’s face it:
i’m a bitch.
so stop. i haven’t tried very hard
because at the end of the day
the problem was me.
it was always me,
and i don’t deserve to ask
for your forgiveness.
"I Know We’re Done, But in Case You’re Wondering", K.E.
(To A: I’m not trying to be a part of your life. But you were a part of mine once and I’m dealing with it. Ignore me if you like.)
Hurling Crowbirds at Mockingbars: Hope Is Not a Course of Action
- First Period Is Nice with You, K.E.
- A phrase that was carved on the walls of a concentration camp cell during WWII by a Jewish prisoner (via cockkkkkkkk)
- (via hannahvillarica)
Here are some things
That I know about life:
The days fade too fast.
We are not cute anymore
When we cry.
And there are far too many
Ways to get lost
In a forest like ours.
I am tired of being
Seventeen and not enough.
- And You Ask Me Why I’m Sad, K.E.
I have traced the past two years
Over and over in my head,
Like all of the scars
You left on me.
How was I supposed to heal?
I am not sad that you walked away.
I am not sad that you never looked back.
And yet I waited for you.
In the end,
I was just hoping - and I know it’s stupid,
I know. But I was just hoping,
That maybe, just maybe,
You would love me
I stopped expecting you to.
The problem is that I’ve
Written you too many
That you do not deserve.
Irony is a good word for it.
Because I was never more sad
Than I was with you.
No, you were not my rescuer.
You were the ocean,
And I drowned.
You didn’t notice?
I loved my sadness
Because I loved you.
Please fuck off. I’m not nostalgic
Or lonely, or looking for you.
It’s just that I thought last year
Might have made you a better man.
I guess not.
I guess not enough.
- So You’re Still You, K.E.
- Jeanann Verlee, excerpt from “Exit Wound” (via larmoyante)